The Submissive Wife

The Biblical injunction for a wife to submit to her husband is not in vogue in today’s culture, to say the least! However, the Bible has a lot to say about this very important aspect of a godly wife. Peter gives us “The Submissive Wife 101 Course” in this study.

The Submissive Wife

1 Peter 3:1-6

Intro :

3:1 – “In the same way.” In the same way as what? In the same way that a believer is to submit to government and his master. We are in the midst of a section in which Peter is giving instructions to Christians in various social relationships. His instruction is the same in every one – be submissive.

1. The Believer’s response to Government: submit – 2:13

2. The Believer’s response in the Workplace: submit – 2:18

3. The Believer’s response in the Family: submit – 3:1

However, there was a potential problem for believers in the 1 st century. They have come to realize that of this world – they belong to God. They have a higher authority – Jesus Christ. They have a higher standard – the Word of God. He begins to feel a little superior to others around him. He’s no longer interested in listening to government, masters or a souse. He’s on a different plane. God’s Word says “No!” That’s completely wrong. God’s will is that all believers must submit to the authorities they have been placed under. God’s design is to use us as His witnesses in government, the workplace, the family. But how are we to live in government, the workplace, and the family in order to influence others for Christ? By submitting to the proper authorities. How is a Christian supposed to relate to a non-Christian governmental authority, or boss, or husband? We are to be submissive, meek and gentle.

Notice that Peter writes 6 verses to the wives, and only 1 verse to the husbands. Why is this? It is because wives in the 1 st century, married to non-Christian husbands needed much more instruction and encouragement than husbands. There was great potential for difficulty when a married woman was converted. It was unthinkable for a wife to change her religion to one other than her husband’s. Her status was little better than that of a slave. On no account could she leave him, although he could dismiss her at any moment. She was not permitted to speak in public meetings. She was not allowed any kind of independent existence and any mind of her own. If she changed religions, her husband would consider her unfaithful to himself and his pagan gods. This would cause great tension in the home. It could be immensely embarrassing to her husband among his peers, potentially resulting in him being violent or abusive toward her.

The question was, how was she to live in this marriage in order to disarm his hostility and lead her husband to Christ? Notice Peter doesn’t tell her to leave him. That would probably be the advice she would get today. After all, she doesn’t have to stay and take that stuff. He’s clearly not compatible with her. He is controlling and domineering. Why shouldn’t she get out of there and find someone with the same interests as she?

Peter also doesn’t tell her to nag him, preach at him, or argue with him. If she lived today Peter’s advice wouldn’t be to put gospel tracts under his beer cans, and turn up the Christian radio and TV stations whenever he’s around.

1. What is the Status of the Husband in verse 1 ? They are “disobedient to the Word.” Does this mean that they are Christian husbands, but are not being as obedient as they should be? 1 Peter 2:7-8 uses the exact same expression, but says they are “appointed to doom” and “disbelieve.” No, these are unbelieving husbands.

2. What Does Being Submissive Not Mean ? (taken from John Piper’s sermon transcript of the same text)

Agreeing with Him in Everything: how do we know that? Because she is a Christian and he isn’t. He believes one way about life and reality, and she believes another. She clearly does not agree with him in religious and spiritual matters. She is being called to submit to him, even though she can’t submit to him in the most important issue in the world – God.
Refusing to Make Choices at Odds with His Choices: Peter describes a woman who heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. She thought about. She assessed the claims of Jesus. She perceived the beauty and glory of Christ and what He had done. Now, her husband heard it too. Otherwise Peter wouldn’t say that he “disobeyed the word.” But, he did not choose Christ. She considered the gospel, and she chose Christ. Peter doesn’t tell her she must retract her commitment to Christ in order to be submissive to her husband.
Avoiding Every Effort to Change Her Husband: Peter’s whole point in this section is to tell believing wives how to “win” her husband. We might think that submission means a woman takes her husband the way he is, and is not concerned about changing him. However, this text helps wives bring about the most profound change of all in their husbands – to go from spiritual death to spiritual life.
Putting Her Husband’s Will Before Christ’s Will: she is a follower of Jesus before being a follower of her husband. He is going down the path of unbelief. She doesn’t follow him in that, because she has been called to be a follower of Christ. Submission to Jesus is a believer’s highest submission, even before submission to government, employers, husbands, and parents. When Sarah calls Abraham “lord” in 3:6, it is with a little “l”. But when she calls Jesus “Lord”, it is with a capital “L.”
Getting Spiritual Strength From Her Husband: It is wonderful when a husband can strengthen and build up his wife spiritually. But when she is married to a non-Christian husband, she is not bereft of strength. Biblical submission does not mean that she is dependent on him for strength of faith or virtue. She is summoned to develop strength, and character, not from her husband, but for her husband. She gets her spiritual strength from her relationship with God. She hopes in God.
Acting Out Of Fear: notice 3:6b “and you have become her [Sarah’s] children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. The Christian woman is a free woman. When she submits to her husband – whether he is a believer or not – she does it in freedom, not in fear.

3. What Does Being Submissive Mean ? It is the inclination and attitude of willingness to yield to a husband’s authority and follow his leadership. She wants her husband to take the initiative in the family and she is glad when he takes responsibility and leads with love. But submission also says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.”

4. What Should The Wife Focus On In Order To Win Her Husband ?

Chaste Behavior: It’s actually more important how she lives than what she says. The chaste, respectful behavior of a submissive wife is the strongest evangelistici tool she has! He will be forced to admit the presence of a Divine power in her faith that he has often mocked. Chaste has the meaning of purity. She is irreproachable in her daily life. She is honest, and a woman of integrity. She does not break her trust. She is pure in her dealings with men.
Respectful Behavior: Eph.5:33. Respect and submission go hand in hand. She is to focus on respectful submission.
Not Outward Beauty: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses. Peter is not prohibiting women from braiding their heart, just as he is not prohibiting them from wearing dresses. He is exhorting them not to focus on their looks as a means of winning their husband.
The Hidden Person of the Heart: she is to cultivate her inner beauty. She is to focus her attention on her inner character. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
A Gentle and Quiet Spirit: she is to be meek, and gentle, calm, peaceful and tranquil. These virtues are imperishable – will endure into eternity. God jewelry may be precious in the sight of men, but a gentle and quiet spirit are precious in the sight of God.

5. How is a Wife To Demonstrate Her Submission ?

In Her Obedience: obedience of a wife to her husband may sound old-fashioned and archaic, but it is Biblical. What else does submission mean but to do what you are asked or told to do. The real test of submission will be when a wife is asked to do something she doesn’t want to do. Surely, Sarah didn’t want to tell Abimelech that she was Abraham’s sister! Now Abraham was not right in asking her to do that. But she was showing great submission to him in this regard.
In How She Addresses Him: Sarah called Abraham “lord”. It would be like addressing someone as “sir” today. When a man addresses another man as “sir” it is a sign of respect. Notice, that Sarah said this to herself (Gen.18:12). She didn’t make this statement publicly. That shows how much her respect for her husband was a part of her life. She’s not doing it for show.
Without Being Frightened By Any Fear: why would these women be frightened? That her husband would take advantage of her if she submitted to him. But if a woman submits freely without any fear to her husband, she has become the daughter of Abraham, and deserves to be called a “holy woman” (1 Pet. 3:5)

Application :

1. Are You Modeling Your Life After the Holy Women in Scripture? we use the word “model” today to refer to the outwardly beautiful and glamour women on the covers of magazines at the grocery store. But what are they models of? Virtue, godliness, faith, submission? No! Just outward adornment. That’s it. If you want a model worth emulating – look into God’s book!

2. How Much Time and Energy Do You Give To Your Inner Beauty? How much time per day do you spend on your appearance? How much time on your character? How much time in prayer and the Word?

3. How Are You Doing on Having a Submissive Attitude? True submission begins in the heart with an attitude of respect. Notice that a submissive wife gets her strength from God (1 Peter 3:5). She hopes in God. She doesn’t pin all her hopes on how her husband treats her, her looks, her wealth, her clothes, etc. She puts all her hope in God. She has God and that is enough. So, her attitude of submission stems from her relationship to God. Her ability to submit comes from her walk with the Lord.

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